I moved away from my hometown with my son Met the man Im with now and my 7 year old loves him His real daddy recently passed away and so me and my fiance wanted a baby sister for us and him meanwhile he has 4 other kids that he told me the kids couldnt keep him at there house. I have a personality disorder and I know from info I have from my psychiatrist, John Hopkins U and the Mayo Clinic to name a few that personality disorders do have a genetic component. I am loosing my home in a few weeks because im disabled and she was the breadwinner. As of now, it has left me heartbroken. When she does she simply says she doesnt want to be married anymore. I questioned her about it and she denied it. I said that i am going to the car and he followed me and said if you leave i am calling an attorney on Monday and i am so sick and tired of you. . Please open up and share so others can help you. She was a self harmer and naturally negative person yet strong willed, firey, smart, impulsive and absolutely gorgeous. My wife of 20 years asked me to move out 33 days ago we have 3 kids together two boys 6 and 19 and a 13 year old girl. I went to visit her and we really hit it off I should wasnt revenge for my pain, but I dont. Awful. (Poetic) Most importantly very little if no bias. The same thing happened to me after an argument a few days prior, my husband said it was over. There is something called life. This was my goal what had just happened wasnt my life plan. Maybe tomorrow I will feel better, thats what I keep thinking & one of these times I will. Its so weird! If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, its very important that you get immediate help! I figured it just didnt work out with them but now our baby is 10 months and he does not pay bills help clean help with the kids. Im just a hopeless Romantic i guess that loved my wife unconditionally. As I realized in conversation with the neurologist I saw, often, when you are in protracted pain for a long time, your neurological system goes on automatic; its as if theres a signal for pain that gets stuck on ON!. I kept my act together because I had to. Her boss can have her, she will do the same thing to him. And having them around will be the best medicine you can get. *they need to take some time for themselves Remember that God doesnt give us more than we can handle-and he must think that you can handle a lot. Guilt that you divorced your mentally ill spouse. She recently lost her father and she had hatred for her step mom not letting my wife have a relationship with her father. I did everything for him and the kids. Maybe you want to place your studies on hold for awhile or get your family involved to temporarily help yout. She explains its natural to feel guilt, as its the bodys way of making sense of something unfathomable. Suffering from Depressing and other sickness as gotten worse for me. It often boils down to one partner no longer filling a perceived need of the other partner. Hi my name is Matt. Must be so difficult to know that you gave up all this time and energy and money to only be crapped on by someones narcissism. Its almost been six months and it feels like yesterday. An Open Letter to the Spouse Who Wants Out: I Know How You Feel You can use our website to search for another therapist in your area by entering your ZIP code here: You might also consider discussing any concerns you might have with your therapist with that therapist directly. My ex mistress got me arrested and the charges were dismissed by he stood by her as if I was wrong the judge agreed with me though I was telling the truth. I still find myself wanting her back, I miss her. No one else will ever understand my journey or experience, because it does not sound right or possible, but it happened. . Do depressed partners come back - With My Ex Again But some marriages can survive infidelity. My wife and i have been married for 4 years and together for 5. Its been six months and I dont feel like at any more peace and someways irs worse than before. 3 Glaring Challenges of Divorcing a Spouse With Mental Illness - Marriage But I never wouldve left. Im trying my hardest to not hate her for this, and I get that I havent been the greatest husband having working long distance and her being unemployed, but its the lack of fighting for it that hurts the most. I have never felt so betrayed in my life and never would of thought I would become a statistic. I now tell her I wont come over anymore and space away for her when she wont even consider spending even an hour of her time with us. She is 49 and lives abroad and never married. Sooooo, put on your big boy pants and move the hell on. But I have someone to thank for the life I currently have. I love him but Im so angry at him for leaving us. I dont think I will ever be able to trust again, I wonder everyday why I even want to remain on this earth if there is so much evil here. I still love her since I said I do. I asked him to leave her alone. Hi Cassie Im still just so hurt. She will regret it one day and when she do you will be in a better place mentally and moved on with another woman and that will be your revenge on her. I cried out to him and said, Why are you leaving!? And who are the casualties in all this? She missed everything. I know he made some mistakes, but that doesnt mean that you have to live with them. Rachel, you are the exact same age as me and my husband is the same age as yours. And if you talk to them about it, they might be able to help you get through it faster. Not everybody is Christian or catholic!!! Hey my name is Derek Im going to be 36 in dec, I have been married for 13 years and with her for 17. Six months that I have been paying for my choice through reduced access to my most amazing children ever. Yes I was pissed beyond belief. Samantha is 30 years old, looks 3 years younger. Its easy to get trapped in black-and-white thinking, but you will need to expand your concept of the situation to truly heal. By the way Don how do you meet people on line? So that l will never ever go back to him . I finally waited by the locker and he finally came to the locker 4 hours. Then the answer is simple she wasnt the one for me and it got me thinking how bad of a person she was to me . He says he will still help me, do anything for me but we are friends not lovers which is true. I now no longer can afford to live near my children and my job is a roaming goverment contracting job. I am truly lost without her. Either way Im totally broken, unable to cope and cannot see a way ahead. This all may be true, but once the life goes out of the partnership, it takes a lot of work to cultivate it back to where it needs to be. I do recall a few conversations over a ten-year period of him claiming that he needed more from me, more connection or communication. I try to tell her shes embarrassing herself my kids and me with her behavior but she doesnt care. We are either a family all the time or we wont be at all. I take the kids every weekend. My wife told me we had to go to artiste counseling. He talks to me like if I was his worst enemy. People, most of us humans are simply selfish. If we move, he doesnt want to stay in the state but, the kind of small town where he would be happy generally has no work which in my view is not a win/win. Didnt help.im so lost .i juat dont know what to do anymore.its just about killed me ive not gotten any better. Believe me evil exists in the world I will pray that you will never experience this great of an evil, but you will experience some evil. I couldnt stop trying to get through to her and kept begging her to stop. I cant know what went wrong. I had a thousand questions, but they all boiled down to "why?" But I did it and discovered 2 empty bottles of butane. Long story short we got back together. My husband left me on 10-14-15, after 2years of being married says he found the person he had been looking for since he been in Florida, what I dont understand is why marry someone if you were looking for someone else??? She has been exposing her private parts to men online.Right now she is in another state living in a hotel with a guy who is also married and she told me she is having sex with him.he told her he is leaving his wife.I have been hit with so many blows to my heart. In the gloomy pale shadow of the night, Samantha lies on her bed. Its been a week and everyday I tell her I love her and she never says it back, the week she wanted the separation I had a sezuire and she was right there beside the hospital bed crying and even when we went home she had trouble sleeping wanting to make sure Im was ok then a couple days later boom she leaves me. This podcast explores all things love and relationships. The day you never thought would come has become reality. I had made all the food and he had left it all behind. Married to a Workaholic: When Your Spouse Works All the Time Im sorry that you have to go through this, but all the pain youre feeling is valid. I lost my dad a few years ago. In the eyes of a narcissist they themselves are perfect ! I did not seek another relationship because I honoured my commitments and the Lord but in 2016 my husband finally disclosed that he was suffering from Cancer. Congrats!! See a priest????? Leaving Marriage Because God Wants Me to Be Happy Research from 2018 suggests low emotional intelligence may contribute to the likelihood someone may abandon a relationship without warning. Last September she said we were over due to the fact of me cheating with her friend. She said that she is tired of faking it. We got a house then tried for another baby. Now he stops communicating with anyone that tries to talk him in to reconciliation. How to cope: Try not to take too much of a righteous or moral stance. My parents passed last year, her mother has been on her death bed and abusive to my wife as she takes care of her. Youre young. I was so scared and so alone and it was all of a sudden. My husband thinks he has depression and has left me. | Mumsnet But now that they reside with us again. Below, Borrello and other marriage therapists share the most common reasons men check out of their marriage and file for divorce. How he just had a change of heart with no care in the world. Thank you for your comment and for visiting the GoodTherapy blog. How do you deal with him not loving you anymore, he felt unappreciated, he started heavily texting another married woman for over a month, and you dont have anything in common? What determines a family in 2019? So, when you believe your husband is having a midlife crisis, most wives find it very hard to do nothing. And I continued living this new lie was a real Jekyll and Hyde until I met my wife who had / has a heart of kindness I had never experienced before. I had also convinced myself that her and the neighbour had had sex rather than just touching. We have a routine together. I just cant understand. I dont think he was doing anything but chatting to this girl, but still it someone triggered his desire to be unburdened from the responsibility of having a family (we have 3 children). He is not the man I have been with for the last 15 years Thus year I received an anonymous email. Get your big boy pants on and realize that shes got a screw loose and youre not a mechanic. Im lost Im hurt and Ive cried all day. I was treated with an initial dose of flexoril and valium and ***NEURONTIN*** (Gabapentin). Do not allow someone to ever make you feel less or wrong. And how did you and her cope with that? With Elizabeth Vargas, PMDD Quiz: Do I Have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. Then I found out that she had actually gone away with her ex husband, and our daughter slept at a friends house to make it look good. since my 18 year old daughter has said she knew about these affairs as her friends had seen her mum out with other men she had asked her about this and been shouted down and told she was wrong the hurt she has caused is unforgiveable , as for the hurt to me I could not give a s*** but our kids I will never forgive moral off this is if you want out tell them take a chance the other one will want you dont lie dont cheat be honest and people will respect you , lie. She told me she had more energy than everyone in her family and felt like she was waisting away. I picture my husband alone in his home. Falling out of love in a marriage happens over time and is usually due to neglect on the part of one or both partners. I am sad but trying to get my life back together. "My husband left me and I still love him": 14 tips if this is you I didnt even have the pass codes to the credit card or the banking accounts. Mt friends thought I was anorexic, and my mental health took a big decline. Im so pissed now she plays it off again like its all me and the kids beg me to stay (someones gotta give them attention.. Thats to far below her 2hr bath time every night. Be we can do it. After a marriage of almost 25 years, I left my wife. But I felt like he had used me and that he had only married me to have a life he would otherwise never have had. It is actually just a natural part of my nature. I work part time supporting in a school. Its rough but in the long run we will be better off. Hello, I am a 35 year old woman and my wife and I split just two days ago. I have been divorced for 9 months. She had agreed that I could have the kids both Friday and Saturday night and bring them back in Sunday as Im sure it suited her quite well and by now I am desperate to see my kids. The reasons for affairs are very gray and multilayered. Please know that help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. That stayed off the booze with your love and support then started to lie and drink because theyre bipolar. Im sorry for what you are going through Im in the exact same boat Married 17 years too he left this is my husbands 2nd affair Its sickening how a spouse can do this.. I do not try to figure out why as it only makes me sad. I found out last year my husband has contemporary narcissistic personality disorder. I have divorced my wife, with no ill will. They started talking all the time. Seriously, scared me. Guilt that your children have a mentally ill parent that you can . I do not believe that you can just fall out of love one day as if it is completely unrelated to how each of the partners interacts with one another. My ex knew the lawyers and judges, actually they knew me too, which makes it even more egregious. I will pray for you and just take it one day at a time and get up everyday with a plan They might even join in on helping you through this by giving comfort or simply laughing with you at how messed up your marriage is now. My eldest 10. i do not think I could ever do this to another human being and especially one I am suppose to care about but then again I am not self-centered like she is! The first reaction is to blame blame blame. Research on keeping couples together is awesome, but if youve ever been through a divorce you will know that statistics and research dont heal a broken heart. with my kids asking the same question and my narcissistic ex looks like a victim of a situation that just didnt work out as we grew apart as he puts it. I married my husband less then one year ago. I dont want her raising my kids or even being around them. Wonderful husband. If its being away from me, then I have no choice but to deal with this sadness. I dont even know where to start now. I will not let him see our daughter until he takes a drug test and std test. I dont understand whats happened in these last 2 weeks. Its just so odd. You probably thought we were going to say go get yourself a puppy or something like that. Thanks Jersey girl. He told me not to cry, he couldnt handle it. If I do what you want, you say I am only doing it because you told me to.". My husband, who I have been with for 15 years and have two young children with left me in November 2014. I dont understand how someone can throw you out of your own house . I had told her that she needs help and that I was going to tell doctor about her abusing these pills. Your kids will love you more now than they ever have because they know youre doing your best to get through this emotional pain. Well she was mixing high doses of Vicodin and Soma pills . He did, yet he got everything he wanted. The more you attempt to this the farther you push your spouse toward what the evil wanted to begin with, loneliness, despair, and hurt. He ask me to hire someone to put his things in storage. Hes not stopped contact completely he has messaged me and told me his not doing this to be nasty or hurt me he just doesnt feel happy in our relationship at the moment. And this time the affair has bn going on for 10 months. When I confronted him he lied and said he had just came home late assuming that I was sleeping. And they spoke to their daughter over phone. We are now 10 months after the filing and he has left again, stating he is trying to get his head straight. Dear Kelly, If you think consulting with a mental health professional might help you, please use our directory to find a good fit. Ive been single for almost two years now and I will be for a while longer. And that sucks. He drove all the way home at midnight. You worry about getting your head right, and moving on. I found out that my wife had been backstabbing me with everyone she was close to. It hurts to have been so stupid to believe she ever wanted it back at all, probably just guilt for what she did. I still love her with all my heart but she continues to treat me worse and worse. Another helpful tip we have for you is to read self-help books. Or when it is convenient. We have talked about this more than I can count. I hate myself and have become a hermit. Also found a stack of dram idol vyles under bathroom sink. I need some feed back on how to deal with this.Please help me.Give me some Ideas. I am humiliated, devastated and heartbroken he would replace me so quickly. When Depressed Husbands Refuse Help - Caregiver.com I am devastated we have 3 children and one doing his GCSEs I am a mess my daughter keeps questioning me and Im trying to hold it together but Im in so much pain and I cant imagine my life without him Yet I feel like he checked out and all I did was serve him, and his needs, but felt like he wasnt there for me. I am in very similar situation. It sounds like she just couldnt take the build up emotionally anymore, but that can be fixable. Why hasnt society caught up with that? But, when we moved we had to give away everything we owned or sell what we could. The common age seems to be women in their mid thirties. I work full time and take care of everything in the house. When your partner is depressed it may be very difficult to get clarity on this. Plus she cheated on me 3 times that I know off. It felt like we never stopped loving each other, she just needed some space and I never wanted to let her go. Just move through it, let your emotions flow freely, and dont let anyone make you feel like less of a person for feeling this way. Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. Hope things are looking up for you. Your not the only one Focus on yourself and kids. Try to relinquish anger and resentment to create space for understanding and growth. First of all,thank you for sharing your story. very hard. the other part of me knows that he will never accept the blame or even address it so I am not kidding myself. He has always been a terrific father. A week after he left my dad passed away. When he returned he agreed to go to marriage counseling. This has to be an affair right? Feeling a little bette . I dove back into the deep waters of the person that I had primarily lost, myself. If you want to. You can search in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html.