I grew up with a dad who I had a lot in common with. One activity we all enjoyed!!!! In return, LW could offer to be extra supportive of the daughter participating in activities with her father that hes interested in as well. I completely agree with you on Buffy. A highly critical parent or parents, resulting in a high sensitivity to being judged on performance. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. is the crux of your real issues here. Id love to tell you about the things I like. Shes a kid, with a kids sense of fairness, so that would probably be a good compromise, because right now, hes asking her to do all the changing. Oh, This Old House. You dont have to worship the same pop culture icons to have solid relationships. And my fingers are still crossed for you , kerrycontrary Obviously the ex spent a lot of time with his family (20 years) as they had a lot of gatherings. This is exactly my experience, too. We watch those shows now, pre-children, but I assume well continue to do so once we have kids. I read baby sitter club books and was part of the official fan club. But the problem here is not that the daughter dislikes her dads interests. Try to get him to understand that all he has done so far is push away those people that he probably cares about the most his wife and children. Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that we end up with ridiculous escalating fights. This can cause a lot of tension in the family. At a certain point you just have to laugh at all the differences and enjoy the fact that the other person is having a good time! "I cant win for losing. I think you should take Wendys advice about showing interest in your husbands hobbies (hoping your daughter will take your lead), but you could also talk to your husband. All other things aside, Im actually a fan of those assignments. I guess I dont know exactly how he does it, but in our house we have things like that but with politics/government because I believe it is truly important to understand our government, how it works, how it doesnt work, and how our beliefs affect our views. Sorry Wendy (and LW) I think your answer was as wrong as it was long. My Husband Hates My Daughter! 4 Ways To Fix A Broken Relationship For one mother, this nightmare is a reality, as her husbands behavior is pushing her daughter away. I adore them and love them as people, not just my parents. And musicals should be revered as an art form. Too little time to post! My father did not indulge in those with me but we had a great relationship. Should A Parent Love Their Child More Than Their Spouse? But I loved my dad and my mom encouraged me and sometimes when I was being a brat prodded me -into hanging out with my dad. Entirely too much. Randi Gunther, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor practicing in Southern California. Their mind is broken, causing them to seriously overestimate their driving abilities. Additionally, she may worry that a new man in your life will try to take his place and replace him entirely. How frustrating for your husband that you have turned your daughter into a clone of all the things about you that are probably annoying to him Things he has quietly tolerated for years But now are somehow totally taking OVER your lives. Whats ok is to have a balance. Sure, he dragged me out on hikes that I hated, and I was a brat and pain during many of them. Um, no. If you are involved with a crazy-making partner, dont think youre alone. They do need the help of their partners to learn to love in this new way. Blow out the torches! Meanwhile, hed try to force what he thought was important onto me. This is a throw away account. lets_be_honest Is Your Partner Driving You Crazy? | Psychology Today Will he ever change? July 2, 2013, 12:04 pm. My dad got me into the Beatles and Hendrix, so I hear that! My husband is a HUGE Firefly fanboy. Is there a middle ground? I know I did. Being oblivious to financial matters. She and my dad didnt have much of a relationship, so she kind of looked to me to be her BFF, and I had a lot more in common with her. If your daughter has seen you and your husband arguing or otherwise being unhappy together, she may start to feel like she needs to choose sides. Dont talk negatively about her father. Husband treats 15 year old step son badly. I dont get the sense that the dad is making any effort to get to know his daughter he just wants a reflection of himself and is acting like an immature ass in the process. She can only control her own behaviour, which is why Wendy is addressing hers and not his. But he always treated me like an adult and respected and loved me and I think he had a huge hand in making me a pretty confident 24 year old woman and I know what I want and deserve from boyfriends. lets_be_honest July 2, 2013, 12:33 pm, Finding out the music my parents listened to opened up my eyes to who they used to be. You are actually the only other person not from Scranton that has known what the show was! Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this difficult situation. only in his mind is one of the most well-written and saddest things ever produced on television. I think visiting an air and space museum if shes interested in Star Trek is a great idea. . She cant meet him halfway if he is putting her down. You are the only one who knows whats best for you and your family. He did research and found these beautiful Gotz dolls for my sister and I. Heck Yes! On the other hand it takes work for my mom and I to have things to bond over most of our conversations revolve around cooking (her passion that my sister did not pick up) and our dogs (unfortunately our dogs dont get along but we still trade dog stories all day). honeybeenicki That being said, its important to have fun hobbies, and I agree with their is a balance. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,100],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',135,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-3-0');Here are some things you can do: Its not always easy to find the right balance between your spouse and your child, but it is possible. The father is totally out of line with his dismissive and unloving ways, but so is the mother, big time. When I was a kid, my mom was always kind of a dick about going to see my dads family, so it was usually just him and me. It doesnt necessarily mean I hate it when you talk about Buffy. Janet got the love and affection of a parent from the old maid who raised her. Obviously, this is as much your husbands job as it is yours, but right now it seems hes threatened by the bond you share with your daughter and is acting childish. lets_be_honest So as not to be hurt again, they simply avoid situations where they think they will need to expose their feelings or emotions. She's madly in love with him but it seems he's no nearer to noticing her feelings than he was when she started. It's as though he can't stop himself from being dictatorial, negative or critical, and all this has done is drive them away. We watched Space Camp WAY too many times and tried astronaut ice cream together. there are people out there who dont know what This Old House is? Show interest in his interests. Seriously, though I obviously realize the error of my ways now My point being that while my dad exposed me to things that interested him, he also jumped feet first into things that interested me and NEVER EVER made me feel silly or stupid because I was a 12 year old who liked things that other 12 year olds did. Taking the Keys Away: What to Do If a Senior Won't Stop Driving - AgingCare How are those pre-teen interests? But if youre saying that getting the daughter into these things was some deliberate, malicious move on the part of the mother, I doubt that. Eating vegetables or just trying any new food? Its almost like shes commiserating with her daughter as though hes her father also. lets_be_honest So, tell your husband to make an effort with her rather than making her feel like shit about her choices. But as a kid/teen, I wanted him to play. The eye-rolling and making the daughter feel bad about her interests is not cool. And relinquish some of your time with her so that your husband can have a chance to nurture his own relationship with her.. The LW can do more to assist, and certainly needs to break away from the us versus him mentality (its easier said that done) but at the same time she cant force 2 other people to enjoy their time together. LW, would your husband be up for a night of board games with you and your daughter? You can look at him as a mean bully, like you do, or an involved father who is trying to raise a well rounded child. Hmm, maybe. PS I also dont get why going camping and hiking versus Buffy-ing are mutually exclusive. Skyblossom I dont comment a lot but wanted to say I often like your comments. FUCK BOARD GAMES. Hopefully she'll see the sense in this and be able to move on. Although this trip, for the first time ever, I strung the fish after I caught it. Its not cool that Dad is rolling his eyes at his daughters interests and hobbies. Surely, they can find a few places where their interests overlap a little bit. As a counterpoint, I loved all the things my dad liked and he tried to do things I liked. When I was a child my mom dragged me to countless art museums with my sister. honeybeenicki MY HUSBAND is not an emotional man and has always found it difficult to talk about how he feels. Placing a child in the position of having to be loyal to one parent at the expense of the other parent is heinous and very damaging to the child. Respect is the bedrock of any family and you need family members to respect each other, the belongings of each other and the interests of each other. That means the communication isnt effective and it may be that your husband has to hear this from someone outside the situation. And also, him treating her with respect and letting her know he values her, well that will also help shape her future relationships where she will know she deserves to be respected, valued and loved. I was shocked that a father is rolling his eyes and telling his daughter that her interests annoy him. It took me a long time to get into a relationship; I wanted to find someone. Yeah, I wasnt responding so much to Mark re: sports but to culture as a whole. I dont think theres anything wrong with taking a child camping who doesnt necessarily like it that much. July 2, 2013, 4:32 pm. A little . That is why he is pushing her to explore new things. Theyre a great way to get people who dont necessarily share a lot of common interests involved. The dad is setting the tone for the relationship here and it is one of disrespect for anything that isnt your own interest and his daughter is probably picking up that attitude and acting in a reciprocal way. What To Do When My Husband Is Driving My Daughter Away? The fact that he is open to sharing his interests with her is key thats going to be where the relationship develops.